I'm in Kansas City this week, working with comedian TJ Miller, whom many of you may remember as the character "Hud" in the movie Cloverfield.  Nice guy.  Come check out the show.

In the meantime:

 This year's LEAST POPULAR Halloween costumes:

For Women: The lady with Dignity and Self-Esteem

For Men: The guy who isn't constantly horny and trying to get laid with a drunken erection-themed costume.

 Enjoy your candy, kids.  See you in November.

Okay, so I'm heading to Anchorage, Alaska this week.  Please, it would mean the world to me if people would stop emailing me and asking me to check and see if I can see Russia while I'm there.  This is just like the "Oz" stuff and Kansas.  The "I can see Russia from Alaska" thingy was cute for 15 minutes.  Now it's just getting annoying.  I can only imagine how the people of Alaska feel about it.

I am excited, however, to be visiting Alaska for the first time.  My brother was just there, and the photos are amazing.  I'm thrilled to branch out and go to new places.  I'm also thrilled to be once again working with my pal Cal Verduchi.  I'm sure we'll have a blast.  I'll post photos after the tour.

After that, i'm all over the place.  Hope to meet some new people, since I'm spending all of October in new places.

 See you there!

Well, my friends, my midwestern "TOUR-O-COMEDY" continues for the next two weeks.  Currently, I'm writing this little entry whilst hanging out in Wichita, Kansas.  Every time I tell someone back home that I'm in Wichita, they ask me about The Wizard of Oz, and say something stupid like "Tell Dorothy and Toto hello for me". 

 Here's the scoop: People in Kansas are tired of the Dorothy and Toto jokes.  It's been fifty years, and the jokes just aren't funny anymore.  It's kinda like all the jackasses who come up to me and make Leave it to Beaver remarks about my name, as if I have never heard it before.  The father's name on Leave it to Beaver was "Ward"?  No kidding.  No one, in 30 years, has EVER thought to tell me that.  You know when that joke was old?  When I was ten.  TEN YEARS OLD.  Yep, by the time I was 10, I'd already heard it enough.  And that includes all the "you were hard on The Beaver" jokes that people still toss my way.  Was funny 20 years ago.  Now?  Not so much.  Same thing goes for Dorothy, Toto, and every "I think we're not in Kansas anymore" line that someone throws my way.  I can only imagine how much the people in Kansas hate it if even I am sick of hearing it, and I only come here a week every year.

So, with that in mind, if you come see me here in Wichita, I won't make any Wizard of Oz jokes in my act.  I'll keep the show about how silly my penis is, since that's exactly what my fans expect.  Thank God for that.

There was a write-up about me in The Whichita Eagle this week.  Apparently, I'm funny.  Said so in the paper, so you know it's true.

Will be in Little Rock, Arkansas, next week.  For the love of all that is precious on Earth, don't send me any Clinton jokes.  Also not funny anymore.

Cheers!

-Ward

Well, my midwestern friends, I'm enjoying my five-week "end of summer" tour (one that I take every year) out here in the middle of the country.  This week, I'm lucky to have spent several days entertaining the fine folks of Oklahoma City.  I've also been lucky enough to share the stage with a couple of friends of mine, Sean Kent and Billy MacFarland.

From here, I'm off to Tulsa for a week.  I enjoy Oklahoma crowds, which is good since I'm going to be spending so much time out here.

2009 fast approaches, and I'm already starting to book up my dates for next year.  As always, I'm trying to visit cities to which I've never been before...and trying to get back to places I love to visit.  I'm also working on booking some new TV appearances.  With The Ultimate Bachelor's Guide going to press again and a new book on the way next year, I've got a lot of promoting to do.

That's it for me.  Just figured I'd check in and let you know that I'm enjoying the tour and still rolling right along.  See you out there, somewhere.  Drop me a line and say hello.

-Ward